Of Apologies and Acceptances
by jacksparrow589
Summary: A postmovie fic. Obviously, Roy feels the need to do some explaining, and, more importantly, some apologizing. Inspired by Relient K’s “Who I Am Hates Who I’ve Been”. Probably a little OOC.


**Apology**

It was the definition of "picturesque": Two military officers embracing on battle-scarred grounds, a small tree the only other thing standing in the background.

Havoc sighed. He wanted to know, and he supposed he would in due time. However, he would leave them to hash it out just this once.

WITH "THEM"

"I'm sorry."

He said it over and over. It was heart-wrenching, the pain in his voice, the regret, and too many years' worth had been spilling out over the past five minutes.

That was the only reason she was crying. Finally, having had enough, she pushed away and put a hand over his mouth. "Shut _up_. I don't want to hear it."

Surprised, he stepped back, looking as though he had been slapped. "I…" he turned to go, stopped only by her hand on his arm, gripping him to spin him around.

She shook her head. "That's not what I meant. I don't want to hear all that pain and regret that you left with, and the amount that you've accumulated over the past two years… It _hurts._ It hurts me to not be able to do anything again. It hurts to stand here and think that I should have helped when I could. _I_ should be the one who's sorry."

He pulled her back into a hug. "There was no helping me, you know that. I was beyond the point of return a long time before I left- I've just always been a good actor."

"But never around me!" she protested. "I've known you for too long… how could I let it slip by?"

She was panicking, trying to sort it all out there and then. He hurriedly began to rub her back gently in an effort to calm her. "I controlled what I did, not you. I let myself wallow- you had no part in it. I let myself just sink into it because it seemed to make it better when I did."

"You should've told me," she muttered. "Why didn't you?"

"You were already caring for me. I couldn't add to that stress."

"That's bull shit, and you know it. It's nothing I didn't feel by myself. I want to know why it was stronger for you, why you just kept on spiraling downward." She paused. "Why you left, and didn't give me a chance. I know it's selfish of me, but-"

He interrupted, "No. You have every right to know. The short answer is that I had more time than you to think about it. I was stuck in a bed for two months, reliving those events and magnifying them, seeing the little possibilities where I might have stopped it in its tracks, but I failed to. People got hurt and people died. I have all that blood and suffering on my hands, and I couldn't face anyone because of it. Then, when I went North, I knew I was just running, and that I'd hurt people –that I'd hurt you- again. And I still couldn't come back to face you. I was a coward. The only out I could see was coming back to help, but it took all this-" he indicated the rubble "-to see that, and even now, there's a part of me that says I was still too late."

"Nothing's perfect," she whispered, not meeting his eyes. "The world's not perfect, but it's there for us, trying the best it can. And that's what makes it so damn beautiful."

Recognizing his own words, he half-smiled sadly. "It's too late to take that back, isn't it?"

She nodded against him. "You know it's true, anyway."

"I do. That was the whole basis for coming back. I was being stupid and childish… like those kids." Sighing, he continued, "I guess I just finally got tired of it, too."

"That's good to hear," she murmured. "It means you're starting to be yourself again."

"It's not over- you know that," he reminded her.

A quiet laugh startled him. "Is anything ever really ever over? Or is it just starting something else? You're an alchemist, a _soldier_- you know how few certainties there are in this world. The things that are certain are generally not the most positive. I'm just getting you back- don't ruin it."

"Demanding, aren't you?" the teasing still had a hint of sadness, but it was all but drowned out by the overwhelming sensation that someone –that that someone was _her_- that still liked him, faults and all.

"Two reasons: unless your rank was reinstated without my knowledge, you're still of lower rank than I, and, more importantly, I've just about had all I can take, and I've lost just about all I can lose- I think I deserve to be selfish." She stepped away. "I know you've been through more than me, and I respect that. Part of my selfishness concerns wanting you to be more open."

"You want to know everything?" He asked, daring her to answer.

"I do." Her tone, posture, and expression left no room for doubt. "I've got you here, and I fully intend to keep you here."

He studied her face for a moment. "And what did I do to deserve such a wonderful offer?" he asked softly, emotion almost cracking his voice.

"You came back. You stayed. You told me what was going on- what _didn't_ you do?" she exclaimed. "I know you said you're nowhere near done, but you're not suffering in silence anymore."

"On one condition," he insisted.

"And this would be?" She raised an eyebrow suspiciously.

"You let me apologize again, as I rightfully should."

A look of mingled frustration and sadness crossed her face. "Fine. Whatever it takes. You're not leaving anymore. I won't let you."

He locked eyes with her. "I'm sorry for what I put you through. I hope to be able to make it up to you." Slowly, he leaned in to place a slow, chaste kiss on her lips.

She pressed in, then pulled back. "Keep working on it- this is a good start."

As if on cue, the sun broke through the haze.

His smile touched his eyes for the first time in too long. "Yes it is."

**A/N: Ah… catharsis. Lovely stuff. Anyway, the only stuff I've got for you is the playlist: "Who I Am Hates Who I've Been" and "Be My Escape", both by Relient K; "Pain" by Three Days Grace; and "The Riddle" by Five For Fighting.**

**I think I made it sound a little repetitive, but hey- they're alive, just surviving the **_**n**_**th thing that could've killed them, **_**n**_** being a very big number. I think anyone would be just a little rattled.**


End file.
